All of these questions have been circulating my mind the past couple days. Mostly because I have seen birth dad twice in a row in public and have had border line anxiety attacks because I never quite know how to act or what to feel. All I have done is sat and stewed over these questions and fantasies of being with Kinley. I hate that just one person can make me feel like crap. I hate that there isn't 100% closure and I hate that I feel trapped and insecure. I've gone through scenarios in my head if I ever bumped into him but when it's the real deal- I panic.
I've also learned that wondering and playing the "what if" game gets me no where and I actually feel worse after thinking those things. Being a birth mom is hard work. I have to learn to not think things, learn to live without my pride and joy,and lots more other things!
After typing all of this out- I've realized that maybe...just MAYBE I could have accomplished all those things above- but raising a child can't be all about "maybe's" I gave her the life she needed and a "For Sure" life. She for sure will be provided for. She for sure will have a stable home. She for sure will have a mom AND a dad.
Thanks for reading my thoughts and have a wonderful day!